Life's Funnies

I received this in an e-mail and laughed so hard that I had to share it with everyone!!!

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
5. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
6. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
7. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
8. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
9. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
10. Was learning cursive really necessary?
11. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
13. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
14. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
15. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
16. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
17. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
18. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
20. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
21. Bad decisions make good stories.
22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
24. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
27. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
28. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
29. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
30. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
33. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
34. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
35. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
36. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?